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The Psychology of Flirting: Strategies, Techniques, and Secrets

Flirting is basically the art of showing your interest in someone in a playful, fun way. What separates a pro from a beginner, is the ability to indicate one’s desire while maintaining an air of mystery. For some people, flirting comes naturally; for others, not so much. But that’s okay because anyone can improve their flirting skills. It’s never too late to step up your game!

Knowing how to flirt can mean the difference between creeping someone out, and actually getting a date with them. And the best thing about flirting is that you don’t need to look like a supermodel in order to be successful at it. You just have to know how to act, and when to act.

The Psychology of Flirting: Strategies, Techniques, and Secrets

Here are some simple tips to help you get started, so you can flirt like a pro in no time!

1. Flaunt Your Best Features

It takes only a few seconds to make a first impression. When you meet someone for the first time, they immediately pick up cues about you, both consciously and subconsciously. It’s important that you present yourself in a way you want to be perceived by others. You can look and feel more confident by carefully choosing an attire that accentuates your most attractive features. For instance, if you’re a man who has broad shoulders and a slim waist, wear a nice fitted shirt. If you’re a woman, and your best features are your legs, show them off!

2. Make Eye Contact

Eye contact is one of the most basic, natural ways to show interest in a person particularly if you’ve never spoken before. All you need to do is lock eyes for a few seconds, then give a confident smile as you slowly look away. Repeat this a few times, and be sure to pay attention to their response. If they are looking at you as often as you look at them, you’ve definitely got their interest!

3. Introduce Yourself

It can sometimes be a bit tricky to approach people especially if you’re a shy person. You may have a fear of being rejected. But think about it this way: they’re either interested in you, or not. So you might as well take the risk and find out! There’s no need for cheesy pick-up lines either simply introduce yourself, and ask how they’re doing. And if they don’t show any interest, just smile and move on.

4. Mind Your Posture

Posture is an important aspect of flirting. The way you hold your body says a lot about your confidence affecting how attractive you come across to others. So pay attention to how you’re moving your body, and be sure to maintain good posture.

5. Be Yourself 

Do not pretend to be someone you’re not. If you deceive the person you’re trying to attract, it will be more difficult to connect with them, because eventually, they’ll realize that you created a false persona in order to impress them. So don’t fake it. Just be the very best version of yourself.

6. Leverage Common Ground 

Finding something in common with the other person is an instant conversation starter. Be it a mutual friend, where you grew up, where you went to school, or anything else. And if you can’t find even one single thing in common, don’t worry! You can talk about anything you find interesting, and use it as a way to get a conversation going. Just keep it light.

7. Use Props

A prop is an accessory that makes a personal statement about you, and it can be a great conversation starter. A prop can be anything: a book, a cool gadget, unusual jewelry, and so on. Props tend to work really well, because they provide something tangible to talk about, instead of some random topic. So find something that’s worthy of attention.

8. Move Closer

A really easy way to let someone know you like them is to move in closer to them. You don’t have to be uncomfortably close, just close enough so that you can talk without having to raise your voice. The secret is to position yourself close, without seeming intentional. Then, after a short while, try to make yourself busy! For example, if you’re at a gathering with friends, pretend you’re going to get a drink while making sure the other person sees exactly where you are going. If they follow you or unexpectedly show up near you a few times, you can bet they’re interested! 

9. Tease Them Playfully

Another great way to show someone that you like them is by being playful. Tease them about something; perhaps their choice of drink, or even something they just shared with you like a funny story. Pay close attention to their reactions. Does the person seem relaxed? Do they smile a lot? Do they stare at you? Perfect! Tease away! Just make sure you don’t overdo it. And keep in mind that there’s a very fine line between teasing and being offensive. Don’t make them feel like you’re judging or trying to hurt them in any way. Tease in such a way that they’ll know you’re joking and you’re actually interested.

10. Don’t Beat Around The Bush

If you’re in college or high school, you may have a lot of time to wait and see if your crush is interested in you; but the older you get, the more forward you need to be. It’s important that you let people know you’re interested in them, and it can be done subtly. You can make jokes about how you’re flirting with them, or find some other ways to let them know of your ‘more-than-friendly’ intentions.

11. Compliment The Unexpected

The best compliments are those that are unique and have an element of surprise. The more specific your compliment, the better. Just be sure that your compliments are honest and sincere. For example, if the person you’re flirting with has a nice sculpted physique, compliment them on something different and unexpected, like: “I overheard you talking about landscape photography; you sound like an expert.” This way, you don’t give the same old compliment they probably hear all the time.

12. Focus Between The Eyes And The Lips

Maintaining focus between the eyes and the lips is one of the best ways to let someone know you’re interested not only in WHAT they have to say, but HOW they say it. Look at their lips when they talk, then glance up at their eyes and give them a slight smile. If you want to step it up a notch, couple this with a slightly open mouth. It’s even more effective!

13. Subtle Touching

The keyword here is ‘subtle’, you don’t want to seem like a creep. Sit next to the person you like and make your legs or shoulders touch subtly while keeping the conversation going. Act as if you didn’t notice this happening. The point is to make them think that you didn’t do it on purpose, it just happened and you feel comfortable with it.

14 Ask Questions

Make sure you actively listen to what the other person is saying; give them your full attention and ask questions. Asking questions, in general, is an excellent way to indicate that you’re interested. It’s also important to be attentive to the other person’s feelings. If they’re excited, share their excitement. If they’re talking about something more serious, adjust your tone as well.

15. Be Witty

If it comes naturally to you, feel free to add it to your flirting strategies. However, keep in mind that it’s important to avoid overly sarcastic comments and cheesy lines, as they can come off as weird and just plain awkward. Humor is attractive when it’s natural and actually makes the other person laugh. And if they don’t laugh at your jokes, they simply might have a sense of humor that’s different than yours. In which case, finding another flirting strategy may be the best option.

16. Avoid Getting Drunk

If you flirt when you’re drunk, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll end up suffering from “beer goggles syndrome", as people tend to appear WAY hotter after a “few too many” drinks. You don’t want to wake up the next morning completely regretting your actions, do you? Overindulgence in alcohol not only influences your ability to make good decisions but also messes with your ability to flirt well. 

When you’re drunk, even your best jokes come off as sloppy. It’s best to refrain from having too many drinks while flirting, so you can avoid embarrassing yourself. The good thing about flirting is that it can be completely adaptable to your personality. If you’re super funny, use it to your advantage. If using props gets you results, then just go with that. Experiment and figure out what works best for you. Yes, it may take some time to get the hang of flirting successfully, and you will probably go through some rejection. But remember, the ultimate goal is to find the person that’s right for you, so just keep at it! 

What do you think? Did we miss anything? What are some flirting techniques that have worked for you? Let us know in the comments below!